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Fantasy football sucks.

I genuinely footblal that and I want footbal to really think about it as you fork over another bucks for a total crapshoot that will surely end in disappointment.

Who won your league last year? My fantasy football team sucks it someone who picked high in the draft, landed a couple of the best players in the league and surrounded them by quality late round steals all thanks to a well-planned drafting strategy involving rankings and tiers?

It was someone who randomly grabbed Alfred Morris to stash on their bench before you could because you were at a sports bar with shitty Wi-Fi. It has nothing to do with smart roster management and late round sleepers.

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It has nothing to do with coordinating your bye weeks between your first string studs and your bench players. It has to do with injuries.

My fantasy football team sucks

And waiver wire order. And total dumb fucking luck.

It has to do with your best player, who carried you through 15 magical weeks, not shitting the bed ream Week 16, when your chance to win back your entry fee is on the line. How is this any different than just regular betting?

Fantasy football is a coin flip. At least then you can start fresh every week.

Fantasy football sucks. I had Adrian Peterson and Thomas Jones on that team and none of it would It was good to get that off my chest. What To Do When Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks Trying to regain control over your fantasy life, you ask yourself, What are my options?. Sure, it's a different approach to the aforementioned blaming of your fantasy guru, but it's a little more Maybe you are already in a keeper league and your team sucks. Two weeks later, Ganther was done and my two guys were starting.

Fuck you, Ben Tate. I won a league title one year because of Jerome Harrison. Do you know who Jerome Harrison is?

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I doubt it. That was in the fantasy playoffs, of course.

Speaking of that team, it was one of three teams I managed that year. Everybody does that these days.

Where is the skill in playing in so many leagues that your three different rosters accumulate just about every player in the league? If you go to the bar and you cheer on every single play of every single game for every single team, you are an asshole.

Well, the one positive quality of fantasy football: There are very My fantasy football team sucks things in life as enjoyable as a fantasy football draft. I had a blast at both of them.

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You get hammered, you eat terrible, fried food and you say horrible things about your friends and their draft choices. The draft is a magical time of year that every man should experience.

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Once the draft is over, everything goes down the toilet. Every guy you bench outscores every guy you start — until you put them in.

Then they suck, too. So remember as you embark on yet another sure-to-be-disappointing fantasy season:

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