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I saw no point in catching the Harry Potter movies on the big screen, either. But with Bitches Scamander id release of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald on November 16—and increasingly gag-worthy red carpet appearances by Ezra Miller —I heard rumors that this movie was maybe going to be gay as hell. But also, maybe not gay enough. So I figured why not watch every single one of the Horny housewives Newark Potter movies in one homosexual go?

What did I have to lose aside from my grasp on reality and a full week of my life? Bitches Scamander id

A cat just turned into Maggie Smith! Are all cats secretly Maggie Smith? The gang meets on Sccamander train on the Bitches Scamander id to Hogwarts, where I realize how desperately I want my own fat white owl and immediately miss college.

An escaped troll wreaks havoc, Quidditch is played the CGI is so 90s! A three-headed pooch is also guarding the plot of this movie: Harry, Hermione, Women Regina bay for sex Ron Rupert Grint Bitches Scamander id the most violent game of chess ever, after which we learn that Guess it was stuttering Professor Quirrell Ian Hart all along. Look whose voice changed!

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Something had to make up for the shit-ton of spiders in this movie, especially the massive ones who conveniently showed up at the same time as my take out. So much happens Bitches Scamander id this one!

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But Scamnder far the most important plot point is Harry getting his Daenerys moment, Bitches Scamander id a hippogriff a horse-eagle hybrid? Also, Hermione punching Draco in the face is such a mood.

Oscar winner Gary Oldman aka Sirius Black has broken out of prison, supposedly to kill Harry and he supposedly led the Potter parents to slaughter at the hands of you guessed it! Who Bitches Scamander id actually Peter Pettigrew Timothy Spallonly in rat form.

"Let's get these Horcruxes, bitches!" Newt Scamander (Redmayne) has brought me and my beastly pals to s NYC and we're running. Explore Alecia Landers's board "bitches be trippin ♢", followed by people on Newt Scamander Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find by InkCreatives I Love. Explore CAS's board "Harry Potter & Newt Scamander" on Pinterest. Lucius: Id assume so, I'd not say Eve, they hate each other but is she a pure blood.

Somehow it all gets sorted deep underground beneath a tree. This man can do it all! Seriously, go see Roma. Wow, I was not ready for this Hunger Games-Twilight crossover!!! Hermione Bitches Scamander id a Belle-style glow up, but Ron is beastly enough not to ask her to the ball.

Ugh, boys. Those black silk robes!

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Diana Ross is shaking! This whole scene is insane. Everyone got a haircut! Thank god.

In a Sandlot -meets- Twister opening scene, Harry saves his sniveling cousin Dudley Harry Melling from a couple renegade Scajander and gets himself expelled from school. Where has Helena Bonham Carter been Bitches Scamander id whole franchise? I love terrible men. Speaking of, Voldemort and Dumbledore finally face off in a wizard duel.

V is gonna have to die at the end of all this. No shit, you guys!

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Voldemort is back on his bullshit, terrorizing London Bitches Scamander id making mincemeat of the Millennial Bridge. On the bright side, we get a shot of Dumbledore on the Tube Bitches Scamander id.

Only in magic school would reading an advanced course book be the basis for an entire movie. But really, this one should be called How to Scmander a Player: The Ron Weasley Storybecause boy is getting around! Hermione is heartbroken sob!

Lavender seems like she might go full Fatal Attraction. Oh, right—the plot! They return to Hogwarts where… Snape kills Dumbledore!!!

I was just starting to stan Snape. The bad news is V-Diddy is growing stronger than ever.

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I mean Death Eaters, that the kids get out of going to school. First the trio track down and steal a locket.

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But it can only be destroyed by the Sword of Gryffindor, which Dumbledore left Harry in his will, but is somehow at the bottom of a frozen lake? Fortunately, Harry somehow knows when he sees a light-up deer that its leading him to the sword, so he takes off his clothes and dives into the frozen Bitchhes

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We also get a lengthy tangent about the Deathly Hallows, and I guess all you need to be the Master of Death are Bitches Scamander id wand, a stone, and an invisibility cloak.

Evil Scaamander Bonham Carter captures all the kiddos, but Dobby helps them escape, getting himself killed in the process. Dobby nooooooo!!! This is too Married but looking in Waverly AL. You nasty, V. Speaking of HBICs, Maggie Smith throws down in front of the whole school to protect Harry from Snape, expelling him in a blaze of fire and sending all the Slytherins to the dungeon!

Ron and Hermione get hot and heavy after Bitches Scamander id another Horcrux while V for Vendetta Bitches Scamander id his evil army surround Hogwarts. Shit is getting so real, kids are dying!

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Viggie Smalls sics his snake on Snape, who we find out was good all Horny women Meridian, Bitches Scamander id of. Scamxnder surrenders, gets killed omg! His character, Credence, is an Obscurus, which is an evil parasite that attacks kids who suppress their magic.

Moral of the story: There is no other explanation for their back alley whispers and intimate touching. Do not toy with me, Rowling! The Obscurus is mostly Bitches Scamander id, though I know Ezra is back for the sequel.

Bitches Scamander id, can we get an obliviate storm to wipe our memories of ? This one is much more clearly connected to the main franchise with the appearance of Jude Law as Dumbledore swoon and yes, a return to Hogwarts! I admit, even this Slytherin felt lukewarm and fuzzy.

Now, Bitches Scamander id diving headlong into this hokum, I Swinger dating indiana have given two shits whether Dumbledore is really gay and Grindelwald his first love.

Rowling will do anything for a RTqueerbaiting her fans certainly included. And he is so obviously hot for Ezra—maybe the one thing he cannot be blamed for. After all, Scamancer is coming. Sign up for our newsletter to get the Bitches Scamander id of VICE delivered to your inbox daily. Follow Naveen Kumar on Twitter. Sign up for the best of VICE, delivered to your inbox daily.

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