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A long-simmering relationship issue bubbles to the surface. We first asked divorced men to share what they would have done differently in their marriages you can read their responses here and then asked divorced women to do the same. We were newlyweds, and I had just given birth to our daughter. Becoming a new wife and mom, I let societal expectations and pressure completely screw with my head.

I thought I had to be this super mom and wife, perfect in every way. I put impossible daily tasks on myself and got burnt out fast. I ended our marriage because it seemed like the only way out of the stressful life I had created.

What I Learned While Having Lunch With Two Divorced Women | HuffPost Life

I was so bitter and angry towards a person who just could not understand why. Instead of standing in my power, I avoided the ugly truths of our existence together and allowed the relationship to languish while we both suffered. I created an unhealthy dynamic by seeing my husband as the more important person in our relationship.

I made that role my complete source of the feelings of worth and value as a woman, wife and human being. I assumed the end of the marriage would signal the beginning of perfection because he was the problem!

What Divorced Women Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriages | HuffPost Life

I often rolled over in arguments, bottled up my feelings and neglected my own needs, usually putting his first. I am a much stronger person today than I was over 10 years ago when we divorced.

There are so many things I do differently in my second marriage. I fight for me now because I realized I am worth it.

Mine are physical touch and quality time, while his are acts of service and words of affirmation. Looking back, I know that our love languages were in constant conflict.

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When I wanted to go for family walks after dinner, he wanted to make sure the dishes were washed and put away. When I wanted to lie on the couch and curl up with my head on his lap after the kids were asleep, he wanted to clean up the toys in the living room and hear my thanks for the fact that we would be able to start the next divirced clutter-free. When he did those things he felt were important, I criticized him, which was the exact opposite of what he needed Hot casual sex Orrs island Maine feel loved.

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I gave everything I had to our relationship, often setting aside what I wanted and what I needed, for what I thought would better our marriage. But in the end, not only did it destroy me, it left no foundation for a stable relationship. Real Life.

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I wish I would have asked for help when I needed it. I wish I had worked on myself more before I got married. Responses have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity and length. Suggest a correction.

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